Being a dad of multiple children can be a rewarding experience, but it can also be challenging. I have three boys, and one of the biggest challenges is keeping things equal, especially when they are all different ages. From deciding who gets more video game time to who gets the last cookie, it can be difficult to reason with children and ensure that everything is fair. In this blog post, we will discuss some tips for keeping things equal when dealing with these cute miniature monsters we call kids.

Communicate with Your Children

Communication is key when it comes to keeping things equal. It’s important to talk to your children and explain why you’re making certain decisions. For example, if one child is getting more video game time, explain why that is. Maybe it’s because they’re older and can handle it better, or maybe the other child had more time earlier in the week. By explaining your reasoning, you can help your children understand that you’re being fair and impartial.

I’m telling you right now, that this is only going to work sometimes. The first thing you’ll learn as a parent is that ‘reason’ does not exist most of the time with kids. They want what they want, and they want it now! If you throw their ideal off track, it can be a situation. Try to be open and honest, but stick to your guns. If you explain why one kid gets more of something and it has a good reason behind it, don’t back down. Eventually, this will lead to them learning that you’re not just being mean, and will hopefully avoid some fights.

Keep Track of Things

Keeping track of things can be a helpful tool for keeping things equal. If you’re trying to decide who gets the last cookie, for example, you can keep track of who had the last one last time. This can help ensure that everyone gets an equal share over time. Keeping a chart or a calendar can also be helpful for tracking chores or other responsibilities. Who did the dishes yesterday? You had better know, because I guarantee your kids will remember better than you will if you don’t explicitly track it.

I will say that tracking helps, but I also try to manipulate things to always be even. For example, with the cookie, my real-world fix is to either break the cookie into three pieces (since I have three kids), or to just eat the last cookie when they are not looking. Problem solved in both cases!

Focus on Individual Needs

Each kid is unique, and it’s important to focus on their individual needs. For example, if one child is struggling in school, they may need more help with homework than their siblings. By focusing on their individual needs, you can help ensure that each child is getting what they need to succeed. I will caution you though, be aware of when you are being uneven. Your kids notice. 

For example, my middle son really wants me to tell him a story before bed every night. The oldest one never really got into that routine. So in the end, I spend way more time with one kid than the other at bed time. I started noticing that the oldest basically recognized that this isn’t his time, so I started going out of my way to swing into his room and just chat before bed. He doesn’t care about the story, but he just wants some one on one time. 

Be Flexible

Flexibility is key when it comes to keeping things equal. Sometimes, one child may need more attention or support than the others. It’s important to be flexible and adjust your approach as needed. For example, if one child is sick and needs extra care, you may need to adjust the amount of video game time or other activities for the other children.

In all honesty, if my wife and I have to deal with something, either for ourselves or for just one of the kids, we get very loose with the rules. We are all about limiting video game time, BUT, if we need the kids to be peaceful and distracted for a while while handling a situation, we just let them do it. If we are so rigid in all situations, who wins? A little flexibility goes a long way in this case. 

Don’t Compare

It’s important not to compare your children to each other. Each child is unique, and comparing them to each other can lead to feelings of resentment or jealousy. Instead, focus on each child’s individual strengths and accomplishments. It’s also ok to explicitly talk about people’s differences, and how that’s part of life. I try to do this by talking about myself, so I’m not calling one of them out. By hearing about me and my example, they will eventually learn that it applies to them too, even though I didn’t necessarily use them as my point of reference.

Encourage Teamwork

Encouraging teamwork can be a helpful tool for keeping things equal. For example, if one child is struggling with a chore, encourage their siblings to help out. This can help foster a sense of teamwork and collaboration, and can also ensure that everyone is contributing equally. This isn’t always a peaceful experience by the way. Sometimes everyone is upset, but that in itself is a kind of teamwork. I’ve had all three kids yelling about the chores being unfair at the same time, but they are ALL in it together at least. It’s one of those things where they aren’t necessarily helping each other out, but they are strengthening bonds with each other by commiserating.

Be Consistent

Consistency is key when it comes to keeping things equal. If you’re inconsistent in your approach, it can lead to confusion and resentment. It’s important to establish clear rules and expectations, and to stick to them as much as possible. If you always cave in to your own rules, they will pick up on it, and know how to take advantage. Kids are smart, and they know how to plot and scheme! 

In conclusion, keeping things equal when you have multiple kids of different ages can be challenging, but it’s not impossible. By communicating with your children, keeping track of things, focusing on individual needs, being flexible, not comparing, encouraging teamwork, and being consistent, you can help ensure that everyone is getting what they need to succeed. Remember, each child is unique, and it’s important to approach them with empathy, understanding, and an open mind.