Do you remember the excitement of the holidays as a kid? Starting around Thanksgiving, and going through New Years Eve, it was always about lots of family parties, food, cousins and of course presents. There was just lots going on, and I have so many fond memories of it when I look back. However, it wasn’t until I was a parent that I realized there was a dark side to all of this kid merriment.

Whose house are we going to?

Behind every event, there is a combination of planning, coordination and work to make it happen. As a kid, you just get brought there and enjoy it. As an adult, you have to make it happen. As a married adult, where there are multiple families to take into account, it can get complicated. That’s where my stress comes in. It’s not just about what to get or make for the party itself, it’s about the coordination and alignment amongst families of who is getting to host that causes a whole level of worry I never knew existed until I was married.

This is no one’s fault, it’s just part of the game, and plays out similarly for many families regardless of their tradition or specific holiday. There are varieties of a saying that basically goes: The work is easy, but dealing with the people is hard. For example, consider all of the questions that potentially come up as part of a parents holiday. Who hosted last time? Can they do Easter and we’ll do Christmas? What about your sisters, what are their families doing? Didn’t we have to travel last time? It’s their turn. Why do they always get to host, can’t we have a tradition here? And on and on. I’m sure if you’re a parent, a lot of this sounds familiar.

So what to do? I don’t honestly know. I write to vent, I rarely have solutions to my causes of stress! So far, my only way through this is by having a week or so where there are some semi-tense conversations with my mom or wife while we sort it all out while trying not to offend anyone directly. It’s not a perfect science by any means, and I often wonder if we are adding baggage to this whole situation in the long run. The fact of the matter is that if you have multiple households who want to host, you’ll always have this dilemma. Just try to be fair and cordial, and hope no one gets crazy during the negotiation. 

What about the presents?

Now that the actual houses are figured out, on to the next stressful topic: gifts! A long time ago, I actually came to an unwritten agreement with my sisters and parents to keep it simple on the gifts. So for Christmas, it’s really just some hugs, food, or nice chocolate. No worry about what to get them, how much are they spending vs what we are? You know the drill.

Kids on the other hand are a different story with the gift stress. What do we get these little spoiled monsters that they don’t already have?! Well, I guess that is a problem of our own making for getting them so much stuff throughout the year. I almost feel like society pushes you in that direction though. Wow, I have way too much to vent about this topic I think.

So here we are, another year where we are trying to make each kid feel like they got something cool, while trying to keep it ‘even’, across three different ages. It’s really hard, if not impossible. The days of randomly guessing at a gift for the kids seems to go away as they get older, so that’s good at least. With my two older kids, we basically just ask them what they are hoping for this year. At a minimum, we get some general ideas, and a starting point. For the youngest, we are still on our own. That one is hard, because you don’t want to destroy any feelings of Santa magic.

Anyway, all of this complaining about the stresses of the holidays is really just my way of lamenting the fact that I’m no longer a kid. I don’t just get to show up and have a good time, pretty much ever at this point. I’m part of the crew behind the curtains, planning and stressing. It’s just part of the job. While I really do stress about this, I have to recognize that there is a lot of enjoyment to be had when your kids are having a really great time. So my only advice here is to grin and bear it, because once you get through the gauntlet, you see your kids on the other side with big smiles, and it all becomes worth it. After all, this whole parenting gig is about the long play, not any instant gratification.