I have an admission to make. I love it when my house is empty. For example, right now my whole family is gone, I just finished work, and it feels like a mini holiday! The house to myself? Do you know how insanely RARE that is? With a wife and three boys, there is always some form of madness going on around here, so alone time is a gift. However, along with that comes the guilt. I suspect I’m not alone in this.

A parent’s life seems to be all about compromises. I get to see my kids grow and learn, but I also have to deal with issues all of the time. I love the games and hugs, but still have to get up really early to do anything I actually want to do for myself. You get the idea, there’s just no free pass. If you signed up for the parenting game, you know you gave up your seemingly endless freedom. Sure you get a lot out of it, but you also find yourself realizing how hard it is to just be alone.

So here I am, with that actual freedom for a few hours. Why do I also have some guilt to go along with it? It’s moments like these where I start thinking: Am I a monster for not wanting to be with my wife and kids at all times? I know I’m not, but still, I wonder if there is a spectrum and where I land on it. 

Another part of this problem is that there is still always something else to do in service of the family, even when they are not here. My short dance with freedom is weighed down by the knowledge that there is a giant pile of laundry, dishes, a messy house, and a giant list of things to fix. Even when the family isn’t here, their echos are. Is there ever an end to this? I suppose I can be patient and actually enjoy my alone time in about 15 years when they are all out of the house.

Alright, I’m being a bit dramatic. I do find myself forgetting to just take one step at a time though, and just do one thing at a time. Sure, there are always tons of chores to do, but I can take a bit of this alone time right now, and do something from the list later. There’s nothing wrong with that, and I want to remind myself that there shouldn’t be guilt for trying to be alone. I’m still human, with my own needs and motivations, right? Health also includes the mind, and getting some ‘me’ time is a big part of that. 

In closing, for those reading this, try the following: recognize the guilt, realize it’s normal, and then turn it into just another parenting task to do. Ok, that task is over, now move past it and enjoy yourself. The other ‘To Do’ items will be waiting. The family will be back. Go get a little bit of that solitary enjoyment that we all need from time to time!